Are We Fixable?

Couples Counseling in Palatine, IL

If you are having issues in your marriage that are causing you to struggle with the question of whether you should stay with your spouse or file for divorce, you may want to consider speaking with a marriage counselor for couples counseling in Palatine, IL. It is not uncommon for couples who rush into ending their marriage without exploring whether or not it was worth salvaging to later wonder if the relationship could have worked if they had only sought out a marriage therapist. For couples who do go to counseling but decide that divorce is their best option are left with the knowledge that they really did all they could before walking away.

If you are having issues with your spouse, it is impossible to fix the problems unless you know what those problems are. Telling your spouse you are unhappy without sharing the reasons why doesn’t give them an opportunity to work with you on making things better.

Consider making a list of all the things that you feel need to change in order to make you feel happier in the relationship. Do you want to feel more of an emotional connection with your partner? Do you need your partner to show you more affection? Do you need more independence or need them to be more independent?

Once you have made your list, sit down and talk with your partner when you are both calm and there is nothing else that needs attention. Don’t try to go through your list in the middle of an argument – that is the worst possible time. Instead, agree to set aside some time where the two of you can talk privately, with no interruptions.

When you are discussing with your spouse the issues that bother you, consider your presentation. Do not tell your partner how you feel in a blaming way. Make sure to avoid “you” statements and instead use “I” statements. For example, don’t say to your partner, “You never have any time for me.” Instead, you can say, “I would love for us to find more time to spend together.” Your partner will be more open to what you’re saying if they don’t feel they have to be on the defensive.

It’s also important to really listen to what your partner is saying to you, too. Don’t do all the talking. Do more of the listening and your spouse will be more open to what you are saying. Avoid threats or ultimatums, especially if you are not prepared to actually follow through on them.  Remember, you and your spouse are supposed to be working together as a team. The goal is to have your spouse want to change the things that make you unhappy, not force them to.

And speaking of change, it is important for you to look at the things in yourself that may need changing. If your spouse has shared things with you that they would like to see changes is, focus on those changes. Your spouse will appreciate those changes and may even be prompted to work on the things you would like to see change.

Contact Lotus Wellness Center for their insight into counseling for married couples.